Communication styles

Assessing my communication styles

This week I evaluated my own communication techniques based on Communication anxiety, Listening style and Verbal aggression.  Then I had my mother take the same assessments about me. Our results were very similar.  That was encouraging to me, because it shows that I have a good concept about my own communication strengths and weaknesses.

I found the Listening style chart, describing the different listening styles, helpful in more ways than one.  I discovered that I have a people-oriented listening style.  I am tuned into feelings when I listen.  I also realized I am often dissatisfied when I talk with people of different listening styles.  I think this is because I don't feel that that they have heard and validated my feelings.  I think this is a good awareness.  When I really need someone to listen to my feelings I can go to a people-oriented listener.  When I really need to focus in to complete a project, I can look to an action-oriented or content-oriented listener to help me out.

I can also learn from these types of listeners that there are times when it would be good to follow their example because a different way of listening may be useful in a certain situation.

I was aware of how much I have changed over the last several years in the area of communication anxiety.  I think it is partially to getting older.  We tend to joke that we care less and less what people think of us as we get older and I am finding that to be true.  I have also consciously worked on my self-esteem and communication skills through therapy and support groups I have attended.  At one time I was a people pleaser and had a terrible time speaking up to myself.  My score on the verbal aggressiveness scale shows that I am at a moderate level.  I have learned to find a balance between being kind and polite and letting others walk all over me.  I am so happy about these results.

This was a great assignment for finding out more about myself and reflecting on my communication skills.

Communication Anxiety Inventory
Verbal Aggressiveness Scale
Listening Styles Profile

Communication with other cultures

Strategies for communicating with other cultures

As I reflected on how I communicate with other cultures, I realized I am not happy with all of my actions in the past.  I have spoken louder or too slowly.  I have consciously tried to use simple words.  I have done things based on assumptions that may have been false.

In my discussion group this week I talked about Fatima and her older sister who drops her off on ESOL nights.  I made the mistake of talking to my co-teacher about them in front of the sister.  We were discussing whether we should let the older sister stay with Fatima or not.  I think we assumed the sister did not understand us.  To the sister's credit, she went ahead and entered the conversation, asking, "Do you think she needs to learn to stay by herself?"

One time I had a child in my class whose mother wore a complete Hijab.  All I could see was her eyes.  I looked her straight in the eyes when I spoke to her but I am not sure this was right.  I wanted to do that because I felt sorry for her, making assumptions about why she had to wear that clothing.  But I wasn't thinking about what was right for her.

These reflections lead me to several goals for communicating in the future with people of other cultures.

1.  Find out the person's name as soon as possible.  I have been talking about Fatima and her sister for two weeks and still don't know the sister's name.

2.  Continue to find out about other cultures so I am prepared to treat others as they want to be treated.

3.  Make a conscious effort to talk to the ESOL parents just as I would any other parents of my students.  I will speak in a normal voice, using the most meaningful words and at a normal pace.

4.  Look to the directors of the ESOL program for guidance more often. Share my stories so they can be passed along to other teachers and volunteers to help them.

5.  Always be thankful for these opportunities I am having to get to know these beautiful people from around the world.

"With this diversity comes a growing awareness that learning about differences, especially cultural differences, can affect every aspect of people's lives in positive ways.  You need not travel the world to interact with people who may seem strange to you: the world is traveling to you." (Beebe, 2011, p 86) 

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

 Chapter 4, "Interpersonal Communication and Diversity: Adapting to Others" (pp. 85–114)

Miscommunication with the sound turned down

Uh, oh!  Graduate student tempted to distraction from studies by legitimate assignment to watch a television program!  Exercises self-control before reinstating cable t.v. account and subscribing to Hulu and Netflix!

For this week's blog assignment, at the recommendation of my 20 year old daughter, I asked my boyfriend to DVR an episode of "Last Man on Earth".  It is on Fox.  The episode I watched was called "Moovin In", the 7^th episode from season 1.  It originally aired on March 29, 2015.

Watching the episode with the sound turned down was really quite enjoyable.  It probably would have been more frustrating if the show had more than 4 characters.  I was able to determine that one man and one woman on the show were a couple.  They were sitting very close on a couch together.  The other woman pointed to a bracelet on the first woman's wrist.  I could tell from the women's facial expressions that the first man had gotten it for her.  I could also tell that the other man was annoyed about it from his grumpy facial expression and the way he crossed his arms.  Then he "accidentally" broke the first man's sculpture that he had just presented to the group.  I could not tell the relationship of the second couple although they were both wearing wedding bands and interacted a lot throughout the show.  I could tell that woman annoyed that man by the man's throwing up his hands, rolling his eyes and stomping his feet.  I decided they were probably brother and sister and that they had lost their spouses when most of the people on earth disappeared.

After watching the episode with the sound turned on, some of my questions were answered and others were raised.  I found out that the second couple are married but not living together.  The woman, Carol, is annoyed about this, apparently having true feelings for Phil, the main character.  Phil seems to be more attracted to the other woman, Melissa, and resents that she likes, Todd, the other man.  I still don't know why the show is called "Last Man on Earth" when there are four people on the show and one of the other people is a man.  I don't know why Phil and Carol are married to each other when they obviously do not have mutual feelings for each other.

Several thoughts about communication came to mind as a result of this experience.  I thought about what it must be like for deaf people who have limited words to understand a situation.  Even if they read lips, they are limited by their ability to see the person face to face.  Foreign language speakers would have similar difficulty, understanding even less of the words being spoken.  It shows me that oral language and body language must work together or the possibility for miscommunication is huge.

Upon researching more about this show I learned that the main character, Phil, thought he was the last man left on earth after a virus epidemic killed everyone else.  He goes to great lengths traveling around the country and writing billboards to find other people.  He makes characters out of balloons and balls and talks to them just like Tom Hanks' character did in the movie "Castaway".  Human interaction is essential to a person's emotional well-being.  Loneliness can cause a person to feel they are losing their mind and surely could cause them to die if it went on too long.

I am now intrigued by this show!  However, I will do the wise thing and put it on my bucket list, to watch when I am through with my graduate studies.  Meanwhile, I get to read about other interesting shows, with the help of my classmates!